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5.
Miley Cyrus just turned 18 in November which still makes her three years below the legal drinking age in California. So, of course, here she is stumbling ass-faced into Chateau Marmont at one in the morning on Saturday where she stayed for two hours before her people slipped her out the back. Although in her defense, I probably shouldn’t jump to conclusions that this was underage drinking. For all we know she just smoked some bad cream of tartar, and I told you to stop dealing to kids, McCormick. But, no, you had to have your cumin and ground it, too, you sons of bitches.
BILLY RAY: *knocks laptop to floor* Gotdammit! My baby girl’s drinkin’ again. Reginald!
REGINALD: Yes, Master Cyrus.
BILLY RAY: Fire up the show truck. I’m goin’ to Taco Bell.
REGINALD: Right away, sir. Shall I ready the Corn Pops?
BILLY RAY: No, not this time. This time, we’re going straight for the Toaster Strudels.
REGINALD: My word…